Wednesday, 28 January 2009

setting the scene....

April 2006: News: A mother and her 12 year old son  have fallen to their deaths from the Humber Bridge in an apparent murder-suicide. The family of Alison Davies say she loved her son but found it hard to cope with his condition. It is said she had depression and was known to social services.....

Email to: Autism support group

Subject: Humber suicide

It is sad story and an interesting discussion.

but bear in mind that clinical depression is vastly different from the stress, the anger,  the moments of "depression" that you all refer to. most of you are  not contemplating suicide or killing your child, however bad it  gets...

I know a family with a nine year old boy with autism and severe learning difficulties, no speech, just about toilet trained. 10 hours per week social services support with carer paid thru direct payments - a life saver after battles and years waiting for link services which didnt happen.

the mother gets on with it, after all life is sometimes sh&t.

this is a challenge that has to be faced -this is her child at the end of the day.

she seeks support from other parents of children with special needs, internet etc. she finds moments of enjoyment in life -  a  beautiful sunset, sharing times with likeminded people...

the father is depressed, clinically. he talks about suicide, how he wishes his child had never been born, how he cannot cope being with  him in public, "better off dead".

at meetings with other special needs families he sees the children who CAN talk and who are socially aware and participate and says "why me/why him"? even a meeting with other children with autism leads to comparisons and "if only our child was like....."

  the father talks about how he cannot cope with his child, with life, and how he does not wish to be a burden on his family any more.

same family, same level of support available. same child.

should the unthinkable happen - yes it WILL be because the father is clinically depressed.

the mother is me, the father is my husband.

clinical depression will or can lead to suicide / infanticide - whatever the support in place for the autistic child - the support we need is for my husband's depression.... he has appts pending.