Thursday, 7 January 2010

post trauma "peace" - telling him it is "over"

Fri Aug 17, 2007 10:14 pm
Re: childcare

i am off on stress sick leave from work. too difficult to organize full
time childcare. work quiet at present anyway as is august.... once
they back in school it will be easier to organize.

have some hours this week with a lovely young baby sitter for
girls (they adore her) so have been able to check email etc (and run around with
household stuff - everything is breaking down! )

i will go see GP on monday to ask for more weeks signed off - if i
dont then the only alternative is to take unpaid leave which i cannot
do financially. and truth is i am still stressed.

espec when N
calls and says things like
"i just want to get back to normal"
"i feel fine"
"i want to come home now"
"i want you to be friendly when we talk" ....

today i blew it with him - told him it was not for him to tell me how
to be on the phone.

told him i didnt want or envisage going "back" to

not just the recent events but all the years of pandering
to his needs and wants to avoid him getting upset or creating a more.

it is over.

it will take a lot more effort on his
part to get back to any kind of relationship...he will always be papa
to the girls (and ix - but of course there is the issue of
acceptance..) but that is the only reason i wish to remain on any
terms with him. for them.

i know he is sick - but part of the illness is manipulation,
pleading, begging. i am not buying it. have to set boundaries

he may not get better whatever temporary
improvement is apparent now.... put him back in the situation where
he got stressed (day to day family life...) and who knows what will
happen again. his promises mean nothing - he proved that in last few

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